JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES: Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.

WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.

OPERA: People singing when they should be talking.

RAP: People talking when they should be singing.

CLASSICAL: Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.

FOLK: Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.

BIG BAND: 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.

HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps

HOUSE MUSIC: OK as long as it's not the house next door.